It’s very daunting to constantly feel that whatever you do and whatever you eat could potentially kill you because your immune system is responding aggressively not just to germs and allergens but mainly to yourself, your own tissues, your body…What in the world, right? Only people who have such health condition can completely understand this.

The world is a giant globe, filled with amazing living and none-living things. Unfortunately, it is also filled with problems and deadly diseases too…it’s scary…but life has to go on… because it is not worth worrying about things we cannot change and diseases we cannot cure. I know it’s easy said than done but when you think about it, what’s the benefit of being so worried? Except you will make yourself sicker, become anxious and drive your loved ones crazy. Your friends will disappear one by one…

It’s wise to be resilient about what’s going on around you and situation you are in. It’s even better if you do research, learn and find solutions to your problems because no one knows you better than you and no one can save you but yourself.

There will be times when we encounter situations where we are feeling overwhelmed because our body and mind cannot cope with what’s going around us and within us. We just need to slowdown, take a step back and retreat to regain our strength, rethink our strategies to deal with issues that occur in front of us so we don’t damage ourselves and worsen the situation. If doing nothing makes you feel better then do just that. It feels great when you are able to close your eyes and let the world pass by. It’s healthy when you are able to let go even for a short while.

Once we gain our strength physically and emotionally, we will be able to think rationally and see things beyond ourselves. We will see a bigger picture and how things unfold. We will be able to cope and solve our complicated problems better than ever. People can do what they want to do in life if they just slow down – Angela Lockwood

Life with Systematic Scleroderma is like living in complicated jigsaw puzzle. The more stressful we become the puzzle gets harder to solve.

For years, I have been desperately trying to solve my complicated health puzzle. I have asked for help from experts whom I believe they knew my problems and I relied on them to guide me through the process. After working so hard to solve the same puzzle again and again, I began to feel very anxious, I got really frustrated, sad, dismayed and sometimes scared. Because the puzzle was extremely important to my existence. It’s life and death…and it’s not easy to talk about death with anyone, not even with your loved ones believe me 😐. I was either stopped or ignored. I can understand why people don’t want to talk about death. It’s harsh and emotional topic but I also understand myself why feel what I feel and that’s ok. I am just human.

Since my youth, I always have been comfortable talking about death. This maybe because in the past, I had often experienced my family’s members passing in unexpected circumstances. I often consoled myself that we all are going to end up the same place, sooner or later and that’s ok too. In fact, it’s good. It’s circle of life and it means to be that way.

I am comfortable talking about death because it reminds me that life is not something I take for granted. I expect my time on this planet to end anytime and that’s ok. What matter is how I spend my time now…I am standing tall to fight deadly disease with pride and and I am not giving up. I am not letting sadness and disease swallow me whole because I want to live, I want to love and be loved, I want to travel to see the world and meet wonderful people. There are so much in the world I don’t know about.

What did I do to get out of this tricky mind boggling situation?

From my experiences, yes…experiences, it happened countless times. The best way to deal with such situation is to step away from it but not to abandon it. It’s good for me to forget about the problems I can’t solve for a while yet be resilient. I stop crushing myself and start talking to people whom I trust about my feelings and thoughts. I try to enjoy other little things in life such as a coffee or short walk with my dog. It makes huge difference.

It’s important for us to be resilient to survive difficult situations. When we are resilient we will be able to think and act rationally under any circumstances.

Trust in your ability to heal yourself

Like I mentioned before, no one know you better than you and no one can save you but yourself…How can we save ourselves? I believe education is the best tool to help us improve our knowledge and confidence in dealing with problems. We are so lucky that these days information is just at the tip of our finger because access to information  has never been so easier with the help of technologies and internet. We just need to harvest information we need wisely and from reliable sources.

When you have knowledge of what you want to do, you will have confidence to deal with any issue regardless. The knowledge will open up your mind for more options and possibilities and you will be more resourceful. However, you should allow yourself to make mistakes and errors, forget, forgive yourself and move on, celebrating everything you achieve no matter how small that is.

In a nutshell, when you are encountering any tricky situation, don’t forget to step back, educate yourself, unpack the problem, think and rethink of the possibilities. The outcome will  likely be more pleasing. Once, you have done that, you will be amazed at your abilities to achieve anything you desire.


Note to self as always  

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